Redefining My Relationship with Alcohol

Early Impressions

Over the past few years, I’ve been reflecting on my relationship with alcohol. Like many people, I started experimenting in high school. My parents were pretty open about drinking—they’d sometimes let us have a sip of their drink or a glass of wine with dinner. My mom and stepdad almost always had a drink before, during, or after supper—sometimes all three.

On the flip side, my dad was a full-blown, as-seen-on-TV alcoholic. I grew up thinking all adults drank, just to varying degrees—some more gracefully than others.

College Burnout and Party Culture

I started drinking mostly because my friends were doing it. Not out of peer pressure exactly, but because I wanted to feel included and share the experience. I drank most weekends, sometimes even during the week after a “hard day.” Despite being involved in sports, hobbies, and jobs, I was running on fumes.

By the time I got to college, I was completely burnt out. I didn’t care about classes, wasn’t interested in joining clubs, and mostly sat in my dorm watching Netflix and drinking heavily with friends. It felt normal—like what everyone else was doing.

But I didn’t realize how much that disconnect was feeding my anxiety. I couldn’t tell what was helping me and what was quietly hurting me.

Not an Epiphany, Just Exhaustion

I wish I could say I had some major turning point, but honestly, I just got tired of drinking. By senior year, I felt like I’d seen and done it all. I met my now-husband, and suddenly partying didn’t appeal to me in the same way.

I wasn’t “sober” or even “sober curious”—I just started drinking less. A glass of wine here and there, and maybe more on weekends. My friends gave me a hard time, but we stayed close.

Enter the Pandemic

Then the pandemic hit.

I had just graduated, moved to a new city for work, and moved in with my boyfriend when lockdown started. Like everyone else, we stocked up on food, booze, and toilet paper. We thought we were preparing for two weeks—turned out we were preparing for something much longer.

We went through our “two weeks” worth of alcohol in just a few days. Work was boring, the future was uncertain, and I found myself locked in about a year and a half of bored, depressed drinking. I know I wasn’t alone in that.

The Wake-Up Call

Eventually, the consequences caught up with me—health issues, 20 extra pounds, and worsening anxiety. I knew I had to change.

I tried cutting back. Sometimes it worked, but often I’d go a few days before slipping back into overindulgence. I’d have three or four glasses of wine and feel awful the next day—physically and mentally. The shame and anxiety were worse than the hangovers.

I’d beat myself up for days, only to repeat the cycle again within a week.

It makes me sad to think about how cruel I was to myself during that time.

Healing Myself (Not Just My Drinking)

What finally helped wasn’t about alcohol at all—it was about me. I began healing my relationship with myself and my body. I invested time, energy, and money into self-care and self-awareness.

I learned to exercise for joy rather than punishment. I figured out what kinds of food made me feel good. I prioritized sleep, reduced screen time, nurtured healthy friendships, and learned how to set boundaries.

I also learned how to be bad at things—and be okay with it.

As a perfectionist, I avoided anything I couldn’t master immediately. But part of drinking less meant embracing the learning curve. One of those challenges was golf, a humbling and frustrating sport to learn. But it taught me patience, and how to show up for myself even when I wasn't perfect.

Where I Am Now

Today, I still drink on occasion. But for the most part, I’m a non-drinker.

I have big goals that alcohol doesn’t support. And frankly, I just feel better without it. I sleep more deeply, work out more effectively, and my mood is far more stable.

I’ve tried being fully sober—and loved the benefits. But I also enjoy a glass of rosé in the sun with a friend. I like to toast at weddings or sip red wine over a long dinner with my husband. These experiences don’t require alcohol—but sometimes, they’re enhanced by it.

Alcohol is no longer the main event. It’s just the cherry on top.

Finding Balance

If I overdo it and wake up feeling rough, I no longer spiral. I double down on self-care—movement, nourishment, mindfulness, and rest. I’ve let go of the all-or-nothing mindset.

There is space for alcohol in a healthy, well-balanced life.

If You're Struggling Too...

If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol, start by looking inward. Explore your patterns—with and without drinking. Be honest with yourself: can you drink in a way that’s healthy, or does life feel better without it?

You’re not alone. So many of us are trying to figure out what role, if any, alcohol should play in our lives. There’s no one right answer. Just your answer.